Some days are hard. Like really hard. Have you ever felt so completely overwhelmed that you didn’t know what to do or even how to pray? That’s me today. Right here, right now, as I sit typing. Not me reflecting back on a hard time, but me at this very moment and possibly still as you read this.
Without getting into all of the details, our family is going through a really challenging time. I can’t go into specifics, but I think it’s safe to say we’re even being attacked by Satan. Things have been ugly, and I have cried more in the past couple of weeks than I have in the past several years (or so it seems!). My emotions with God have been all over the place. I’m questioning God, getting frustrated with him, crying out to him, and pleading with him. Here I am, a Christian woman, questioning God. I feel like sometimes people look at Christians and automatically assume our faith must be great. Why else would we call ourselves “Christians” unless we have unwavering faith in what we believe?
Well, not me, not today. Today my faith is weak. I find myself questioning God’s plan and questioning “What the heck is he doing, because it seems completely unreasonable, and not within parameters that make sense!!” “Parameters!” Hmmm? Whose parameters? Make sense to whom? Well to me of course! Ding! Ding! Ding! There we have it folks….the problem.
How can I, in my fallen human state, possibly understand God’s plan? Why do I, a 41 year old mom in Pennsylvania, try to put God inside of a box when HE created the entire world and all that’s within? How can I, the woman who looks for her sunglasses when they’re on her head, possibly have a better plan than God? I can’t and I don’t!
Yet here’s the thing: I don’t shrink my faith when I question God…I grow it. How? I turn TO God with my questioning. I bring my questions and doubt directly to him. By doing so I acknowledge that HE has the answers- even if I can’t see them and even if he doesn’t share them. It puts me in the proper position (often on my knees) and him as Lord of all. By turning to God and to the Word, I grow my faith and my relationship with Him. I can have confidence in Romans 8:28, which says that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
I can’t see God’s plan for our family right now. But I keep reminding myself of HIS promises and what HE says in his Word. I have faith in what he says because he’s God…and I’m not.
I read this question the other day: “What if everything you are going through is preparing you for what you asked for?” Maybe these struggles ARE preparing us for a plan we desire, or maybe they aren’t, we don’t know. They could be preparing us for a completely different plan. But either way, it’s GOD’s plan. His perfect plan to “prosper and not harm” (Jeremiah 29:11).
My faith, though it feels small right now, will continue to grow with each prayer, each tear, and each question I bring to God. Don’t be afraid to question and doubt. Just be sure to bring your concerns to the One who already knows the answers and how the plan works out.