Here’s the moderately anticipated Part 2 with two more tips on how you can love the singles in your life well. The central theme of Part 2 is community and the depth of sharing that can be achieved when we have genuine, authentic, and vulnerable friendships.
(If you haven’t read Part 1 or need a refresher, you can click here.)
#1 Be intentional about community.
We aren’t meant to be alone. Genesis 2:18 teaches us, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” As singles we need to satisfy our desires for intimacy by building and being included in community with others. Left to my own devices, where I turn to for this connection isn’t always healthy or God’s best for me.
So, be intentional about inviting singles to events or to meet up with you at church. Sitting alone as a single person at church, even though surrounded by people, can be one of the loneliest places on earth.
Widen your definition of family. It doesn’t matter to me that your kid is refusing to eat their peas and the living room floor is covered in toys. I don’t much care for peas either and I’ll probably end up on the floor playing with the toys, with or without your kids. I would much rather be sitting at your dinner table amidst the chaos than sit by myself watching Netflix.
In the early church in Acts, singles and marrieds all met together and lived in community. “And all who believed were together and had all things in common…And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes…praised God and having favor with all people.” (Acts 2: 44, 46, 47) All different life stages contributed to this type of community. It wasn’t perfect or a big event. It just was how life was done.
Simply reach out to singles and ask them to join in with whatever you happen to be doing —going to your kid’s baseball game, hanging out at the pool, walking the dog. I want to know about your life and being around you, your spouse, and kids helps me to do that.
Our marital status does not change the fact that we all need fellowship, wisdom from other believers, and connection. We are all part of the body of Christ.
#2 Gently rebuke when needed, but also validate and encourage.
It’s only when we are experiencing life together — the good, bad, and ugly, that we can really speak into each other’s lives. A rebuke coming from a cherished friend is going to land differently than one coming from an acquaintance. Encouragement is going to be planted deeply within my heart from a fellow sister in Christ versus a random lady in the grocery store.
Sometimes my ‘wants’ fall into idolatry. There are moments when I’m distracted by what I don’t have and miss out on the joy of today. I can easily begin to believe the lie of “Life will begin once you’re married.” Don’t be afraid to gently rebuke and remind me of who I am in Christ. (“Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” Proverbs 27:5) If you see the biggest desire of my heart being marriage, and not God, bring that to my attention. Point me to Christ and satisfaction in Him. Remind me that it’s ok to be discontent with my circumstances, as this side of heaven is full of unmet desires, but that it’s a dangerous road to start becoming discontent and resentful of God.
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.” Galatians 6:1
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
I need this. But I also need a safe place to fall apart. Galatians 6:2 says “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
Being upset about being single can seem petty sometimes. How is that a burden? There is this view that singles have all this free time, time to serve, travel, hang out with friends, be independent… and while that’s true, it’s also hard. It’s lonely. It’s disheartening. It’s sitting through so many marriage sermon series, knowing that what is being preached is applicable to all relationships and you can still glean things from it, but never hearing singleness being preached about apart from the brief moment in the series intro when 1 Corinthians 7 (where Paul says single people are spared the ‘troubles of marriage’ and can devote themselves more fully to the work of God) is mentioned. Its feeling left out on random holidays (Mother’s Day, Fourth of July…) that often surround family and there’s no one to celebrate with. It’s all your friends walking hand in hand, two by two, with their spouses, and you walk that same trail alone.
In these moments of frustration I don’t need advice or to hear about how so and so found love online. (“Have you tried online dating?” It’s something that’s suggested so flippantly, but that’s not an easy road either…) I don’t need you to offer to set me up with someone, especially if you don’t intend to follow through. I don’t need a lecture.
I cognitively know that marriage will not fix things, that it can magnify your flaws, that it’s work and not always bliss, that there can be pain and heartbreak and loneliness. I’ve been told if it’s God plan for me to be married, I just need to be patient and that when I least expect it, it will happen (I’ve been trying to ‘least expect it’ for years now, but no luck) and that if God has someone special for me, it’s just taking longer because He’s just preparing him for me (and I get why that might take a while…). So while this advice may be true, it isn’t exactly Biblical and it’s 100% not helpful.
Plus, my head knows all of these things, but usually my heart speaks louder than my head. It’s then, when my heart is overflowing with feelings, that I most need you to just listen, to validate my pain, to walk with me, and help shoulder whatever burden I’m carrying. Don’t try to fix the broken pieces of my heart. I won’t stay in the brokenness, but I might need you to sit with me for a bit, and gently hold those pieces.
In closing, Hebrews 10:24-25 sums it up well—“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
ABOUT OUR BLOGGER
Danielle (Dani) Rupp grew up in a small town in Ohio and is a true Buckeye fan, though she tries not to be obnoxious about it. In 2011 she came to Pennsylvania to earn her Master of Social Work degree. Dani returned last year from South Asia, where she volunteered with International Justice Mission, learned to tolerate spicy food and cross the roads without being hit.
FALL WOMEN’S GROUPS
Small groups are a great place to ask questions, grow in your faith, and build connections with other women no matter your age or stage of life. Our fall women’s groups (in person and online) will be starting in September, and we invite you to join us. For information on our fall studies and to register, click here. Learn more about our studies by attending the events below.
GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT: ZUMBA, GAMES AND GRUB
August 26, 2021, 6:30 - 8:30pm, Kennett Campus
Join us for an evening of Zumba, games and refreshments. All skill levels are welcome. If you’ve never heard of Zumba -- come and learn! If you don’t want to Zumba -- come and watch (we guarantee it will be entertaining)! If you’re a Zumba expert -- come and show off your skills! Register here to join the fun! REGISTER HERE
WOMEN’S BRUNCH
August 29, 2021, 10:30 - 11:45am, Jennersville Campus
Come meet some new friends and reconnect with others over breakfast, as we learn what Willowdale Jennersville has planned for women this fall. Register here to join the fun!. REGISTER HERE