It was Labor Day weekend. I was ready for my hectic summer to slow down, kids to go back to school and more routine. I was celebrating the weekend with my extended family at my brother’s house in St. Michaels, Maryland. They had woken early to start crabbing. As I stirred in my sleep I noticed the sunrise beginning over the water in the backyard.
“Today is a good day to start early, grab a cup of coffee, and enjoy the view,” I thought.
As I was watching in the quiet of nature, I started to pray. “It’s been a while God; it’s been a very busy summer.” I felt ashamed. In the craziness of my summer I had set God in the background.
I started getting teary, enjoying all of God’s beauty, while simultaneously being mad at myself for a hard summer with a noticeable lack of God. My time away from prayer and the Word left me drained and irritable.
I prayed for the upcoming fall season for our family. It would seem easier because three of our four kids were off to school each day on the bus, but harder because of, as my husband put it, “lots of life changing events.” A family reunion brought us two hours away Labor Day weekend. A baby shower had us traveling six hours both ways the very next weekend. And a wedding in October sent us on a sixteen hour round trip drive. All of these trips were with all four kids, just for a weekend, at the start of the school year. My heart had been hard towards these events because of the timing, travel, and short stays. I was frustrated, anxious, and overwhelmed. So I sat that morning and prayed, “Soften me, God, to see the positive and all the possibilities!”
As the colors were changing in the sky, I picked up my phone to click my Bible app to ponder the verse of the day. It had to be downloaded. See, my phone automatically takes off apps but keeps icons when they have not been used for a certain length of time to save on space. I had not read the Bible in a while.
I felt embarrassed.
John 13:34 “so now I give you a new commandment: love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.”
I wanted to call this another slap in the face on the nice brisk morning. But I knew it was God simply nudging me. God loves us, no matter what. A whole season passed before me with few thoughts of God. Yet there He was with quick forgiveness and open arms ready to hold me up. He took my worries and lifted me higher. Now He wants me to spread His love to others. Because I am so overjoyed by His love for me, my biggest desire is to share this love with those around me.
Those upcoming events were all life changing. They were all with family and friends. They were all travels with my husband and kids. I was being bitter. I was resenting others' choices of timing. I honestly did not want to go. But the best way to share love with someone is to show up. And the best way to know God’s grace, love and forgiveness is to pray.
James 5:13 says, “Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.”
My summer was filled with work (my busy season), vacations, and kids home from school. It lacked a Bible Study, consistent Sundays at church, and personal times of prayer. I felt it.
I was scattered and uneasy. There was a lot of frustration and misunderstanding. I thought I could handle it myself, but I could not.
That morning in St. Michaels, watching the colors change through drops of tears in my eyes, reminded me that God will prevail. He is who I need. A prayer in suffering or a song in praise. Through ups and downs and traveling all around. Comfort, peace, and love will come from Him, as long as we ask.
I have since fallen into a nicer routine with the school year, MomCo, and Bible study, but the chaos of the holidays is quickly approaching. I pray that I will enjoy the moments He gives me and see His vast beauty in all of the people and places I will encounter. And I pray I continue to follow Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:16 “let your light shine before others, so that they will see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
ABOUT THE BLOGGER:
A former teacher, coach and personal trainer, Kristin Ryan now loves being a stay-at-home mom. As someone who has more recently found Christianity, she enjoys learning and growing in her faith and is excited to share her experience with others. Kristin and her husband, Casey, have three small children (one was born during the pandemic) and one big dog.