I want to know. If I could just know then I could put away the fear and uncertainty.
“I know the plans I have for you.”
Yes, you know, but I do not.
I want to know.
Ever been there? I’m in it right now. I see God teaching and growing me in various areas of my life, but there is one where He is being awfully quiet. In fact, it’s like He led me into the quiet. He showed me how He started a good work, grew it and how it is now quiet. He hasn’t shown me if or when it will grow and thrive again. He’s just brought me here to the still silence.
And I don’t like it. I want to know. I want to know what I should be doing, how I can discern what is of Him and what is not, how to surrender without being lazy, how to run the race without making it about works. But right now, in this one particular area, I can’t make heads or tails of it.
Has he always, always been faithful? Yes.
Do I have any reason to doubt? No.
But isn’t doubt different from confusion? Isn’t wanting to pursue His best a good thing? And if so, how do I pursue it if I don’t know what it is?
I know Him better today than I did 10 years ago. I knew Him better then than I did 10 years before that. I’ll know Him better in 10 years than I do today. In all my knowing Him, not knowing the next steps has always been a mix of adventure and faith and trust and frustration and fear and angst.
So I’m looking to see where He is speaking in my life and where I know what to do and attempting to walk faithfully there. That quiet part? I don’t know what will happen there. But I know Him. And I know He is not threatened by my ongoing need to give up my sense of control or by my dramatic desperate prayers. He is unflappable because this is no crisis for Him. He is doing what He does best – working all things for my good and His glory.
I still don’t know and I still want to know. I’m in the silence right now. Maybe you are too?
ABOUT THE BLOGGER:
Originally from Georgia, Mary Beth Gombita is a lover of sweet tea, a proud Georgia Bulldog and an avid music fan. She works in public relations, running her own communications consulting business from home. Mary Beth and her husband, Stephen, have two young sons. She is currently the editor of our Willowdale Women blog.