I do not doubt that God exists or that He loves me. The doubt I struggle with is the doubt that niggles its way into my mind in the quiet moments of life. It’s not even a doubt that God CAN do the impossible, it’s just that I doubt that He will. I go to God with my prayer requests and lay them at his feet but I sometimes doubt that his answer is best. When I pray, I hate to admit it, but I sometimes assume the outcome I least desire is what will happen -- kind of a “Murphy’s law” of prayer.
As I thought more about this, I realized that this boils down to me doubting the goodness and omniscience of God. I doubt that He will do right by me. I doubt that He actually knows what is best. I realized that the root of my doubt is the same doubt that Adam and Eve experienced in the garden in Genesis 3. I question God’s goodness. They were told they could eat from any tree in the garden except one. They questioned God’s motives: Was He withholding from them? Was He keeping this good thing from them? Like Adam and Eve, I also question whether God actually knows best. Like them, I think I know in any given situation what is best for me and my loved ones.
Acknowledging and confessing these things puts my heart in the right place toward trusting God. When I am doubting God, I have to remind myself of what I know to be true about Him.
First, He loves me and wants what is best for me ALWAYS. He never has hidden motives or hidden agendas. The outcome in any given situation is what I need in that moment, regardless of what I think. I don’t need to doubt, God can be trusted to do what is best for me.
“And they shall be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me. I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul.” Jeremiah 32:38-41
Second, I have learned that even when God allows hard things, He will use it for my good and for His glory! God “doing good” doesn’t always look like I think it will. God wants me to mature and grow as a believer. He wants me to draw closer to Him. He is more interested in my character than in my comfort. He is more interested in our relationship, which brings peace and satisfaction, than in me being temporarily happy. The often quoted Romans 8:28 is a good reminder: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” God’s view is with eternity in mind. He sees beyond the temporal to what matters forever.
Lastly, I have to trust that the God who sees all knows what is best in any given situation. “God will only give you what you would have asked for if you knew everything He knows,” writes author and pastor Tim Keller.
This is not meant to be a pat answer for when you experience suffering and pain. The world is full of sin and things are not as they should be. We are, after all, a very long way away from the perfect garden that God created. I hope my writing is simply a way to remind you that God is still in control, even if things aren’t the way we’d like them to be or look.
What I have grown to realize is that it isn’t actually God that I doubt; instead I doubt getting the desired outcome of my prayer requests. The most important part of faith is that God is the object of our faith. People often put their faith in the outcome of their prayers. If I keep my eyes on God himself, He will never disappoint. He is good. He is loving. He is all knowing. He is worthy of my trust.
ABOUT OUR BLOGGER
Bonnie Kotler loves to laugh and considers laughter as the best medicine. (Psalm 126:2)
She is a licensed professional counselor at The Peacemaker Center and has her own private practice, True North Counseling.
Bonnie and her husband, Mitch, have two daughters, three sons, five grandchildren, a 125-pound mastiff and three grand-puppies.
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