Exactly one year ago today I received the phone call no one ever wants to receive. My dad had been killed at an accident at work. I spent the day in shock – unable to really cry, my heart just felt heavy and sad. Friends and family immediately reached out. I think I responded back. It’s all a blur. With the help of friends, I somehow managed to book a flight and pack a suitcase to fly the next morning to Ohio, where I am from. I remember wanting to get home as soon as possible to be with my family but also dreading seeing them as it would make everything all too real. The next few days were a flurry of activity as we put together a visitation and memorial service. There was an outpouring of support from the community which was so touching. Lots of people shared stories about my dad and what he meant to them. These were a balm to my hurting heart, but it was still one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through.
I can’t believe it’s been a year since he died. In some ways it feels like the accident just happened, and in other ways it feels like it was a lifetime ago. Time and grief are strange that way. Though I am still just at the beginning of this grief journey, here are some things that have helped me.
So many people sent cards and gift cards, texted, called and showed up for me. Most didn’t know what to do or say, which was fine. I didn’t know either. But they were brave and entered into the grief with me. It’s so important to lean into situations that are painful. Sometimes I don’t know what to do or say so I do nothing, but I know there is a better response. Maybe God is bringing someone to mind who you have been avoiding reaching out to. Stop right now and send a card, shoot them a text, meet up for coffee; do something. It really means so much.
I also have clung to the verse Psalm 34:18 – The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. God doesn’t shy away from our pain. He is always near, but especially when we go through hard times. My heart has felt broken this past year and my spirit crushed, but I always knew I could cry out to God and He would hear me and comfort me. He didn’t take the grief away, but He made it bearable.
Along those same lines, the song Tears on Your Face by Bethany Barnard has been something I’ve turned to often. Part of the song says:
You don’t see from far away
You come sit with me and grieve with me
And I see tears on Your face
That imagery really helps me and encourages me. God is not far off. He comes near and is with us in our grief. Even more than that, He feels it with us. He cries with and for us.
Though this last year has been heartbreakingly hard, I am grateful for friends and family who have helped keep me on the path of faith. I am grateful for a God who is always near. And I am eternally grateful for the hope of heaven.
ABOUT OUR BLOGGER
Danielle (Dani) Rupp grew up in a small town in Ohio and is a true Buckeye fan, though she tries not to be obnoxious about it. In 2011 she came to PA to earn her Master of Social Work degree. After graduation Dani accepted a position as a mental health therapist for children and adolescents in Coatesville. She was a nanny for several years as well. During that time she lived in Kennett Square and attended Willowdale Chapel. She returned several years ago from South Asia where she learned to tolerate spicy food and cross the roads without being hit, as well as volunteered with International Justice Mission in their Aftercare Department. In her free time, Dani enjoys going on mission trips/traveling, running, reading, and connecting with loved ones—preferably over coffee and a sweet treat.
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