To borrow from the greeting of a recovery meeting: “Hi, my name is Bonnie and I am the granddaughter of two alcoholics (both sides of the family tree), daughter of an alcoholic, sister of an alcoholic, and aunt of an alcoholic.” Alcoholism runs strong and deep in my family tree. As the old proverb says, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” I mean that literally! Had I not found Jesus at 13 years old, I believe that I too would have been in that number.
In fact, I became a licensed professional counselor because of a family session at an inpatient alcohol rehabilitation center I was attending for my sister in 2008. During that session where we were discussing the effect alcohol had on her life (and our life as a family), I realized that this was what I wanted to do. I wanted to use the experiences God had led me through to help others.
Because May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to take this opportunity to talk about what the DSM-5-TR (American Psychological Association text on mental illnesses) calls “Substance Abuse Disorders” and more specifically alcoholism. According to the National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics, 1 in 10 Americans 12 years old and older have an alcohol use disorder (14.8 million Americans).
People drink for a variety of reasons. It often starts for enjoyment and/or to alleviate stress. It is also commonly used as a means of self medication for anxiety and depression. Many people use alcohol as a coping mechanism. This became very obvious during the Covid-19 pandemic when liquor sales increased 54% year over year.
Nobody starts out wanting to become an alcoholic. Everyone thinks they can control it. The problem is that alcoholism is a progressive disease. Allowing alcohol or drugs to become your coping mechanism is a slippery slope. It can become a crutch for dealing with problems, and as we know, there are always problems. It’s kind of like the saying I’ve seen on t-shirts, “I only drink on days ending in Y.” When you use alcohol as a coping strategy, you will be drinking more a year from now than you do today. Like cancer, if left unchecked it continues to grow until it ultimately takes the life of the individual.
As evidenced by my family tree, alcoholism and alcohol use disorder are highly genetic. It is both “breed and pasture”-- genetics and environment. This doesn’t mean you are doomed to inherit it, but it does mean you should be extremely aware of your predisposition if it is in your lineage.
In recent decades, social drinking has grown within our country and in our churches. Although I struggled to find exact statistics, I know (as a therapist) alcoholism is also present within Christian communities. Even people who know Jesus can struggle with substance abuse disorder. Anyone can be caught in this snare.
The problem is when we turn to anything besides God to cope with our problems, it is often a recipe for disaster. When we rely on the “quick fix” of alcohol or another substance to “save” us instead of God, we are opening a door for potential disaster. Like many mental health disorders, there is much shame associated with this. While I firmly believe that God is enough to get us through all varieties of mental health issues, there is often also a need for other kinds of treatment.
How do you know if your drinking has become a problem? In counseling, we often use the CAGE assessment. The questions represented by the CAGE acronym (see bold words below) are:
Have you ever felt you should “cut” down on your substance use?
Have people “annoyed” you by criticizing your substance use?
Have you ever felt bad or “guilty” about your substance use?
Have you ever used a substance first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or start the day (an “eye” opener)?
Typically, answering “yes” to two or more questions suggests you may have a substance dependency. If this is you or your loved one, I strongly urge you to seek help. Consider Celebrate Recovery or AA or Al-anon (for the families of those struggling). Consider therapy.
If you are living with an individual with a substance abuse disorder, I urge you to seek help. This disease affects everyone in the house. Even if you aren’t the one with the problem, learning the principles to deal with this disease is equally important. Raising children in an alcoholic home leaves a lasting imprint on their lives even if you don’t see it. Besides addictions, there are specific traits of adult children of alcoholics: codependency, perfectionism, people pleasing and judgmentalism, to name a few. I have spent my life trying to unlearn the unhealthy habits I was raised in. Growing up in this environment affects everyone.
I recently came across these verses in Psalm 66:10-12:
For you, O God, have tested us;
you have tried us as silver is tried.
You brought us into the net;
you laid a crushing burden on our backs;
you let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and through water;
yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.
To me this says that God gets us through the hard things in life and in the end, He brings us to a place of abundance. He makes all things new. He is faithful. I believe He uses the difficult situations in our life for our growth and so that we can also help others, but even more importantly, so that we can give Him the glory (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
Whether you are suffering with addiction or are living with someone who struggles, God sees you. Claim the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV): For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
ABOUT OUR BLOGGER
Bonnie Kotler and her husband Mitch have two daughters, three sons, seven grandchildren and three grand-puppies. She was a stay-at-home mom for many years before re-entering the workforce after receiving her M.S. in Counseling and Human Relations from Villanova University. She is a licensed professional counselor at The Peacemaker Center and her own private practice, True North Counseling. Bonnie has been on the Willowdale women’s ministry teaching team since 2012. Bible studies have played a key role in her walk as a believer, and in turn, she loves to help other women find their peace with God and grow in their faith. She enjoys writing Bible study materials, reading fiction, spending time with family and doing anything in the sunshine. Bonnie loves to laugh and considers laughter as the best medicine. Psalm 126:2