On a winter’s day twenty-three years ago, a baby girl was found in front of the police station in the city of Chongqing, China. Nothing is known of her birth parents. Her name is Ellen. She is my niece.
For some time I have wanted to write about adoption, as I have four adopted nieces and one adopted nephew belonging to three separate families. Before they were adopted they experienced inadequate medical care, malnourishment, families in crisis and even homelessness.
When I began exploring the topic of adoption with Ellen and her parents, Ruth and Bill, I was surprised to learn that no one ever asks Ellen about her story. Actually, this is not unusual. Ellen assumes that people feel the subject might be too sensitive, but she is eager to share her story because she believes it could help people who cannot have kids.
Ellen is one of thousands of girls who have been adopted from China. Since nothing is known about Ellen’s birth family, we don’t know whether the Chinese policy of one-child only or poverty or some other difficult situation led to the mother’s decision. But at the police station, this baby girl was sure to be found. It may have been the kindest and most courageous act of a desperate woman. My heart aches for that mother, and all who have suffered like her.
Ruth and Bill decided to pursue international adoption after years of infertility and when domestic adoption avenues seemed closed to them. One day after meeting with their counselor at the adoption agency, a family with an adopted Chinese daughter came in. Immediately, Ruth felt drawn to adopt a girl from China. Bill had the same feeling.
Their agency walked them through each step, carefully preparing them emotionally and psychologically for the process. Months went by with no match for them. Finally the call came, “We have your daughter.” Within a few weeks, they were on a plane to China.
Ellen’s “Gotcha Day” is November 11th, when they finally got to hold her and she was officially theirs. But she was suffering from a severe ear infection. Ruth remembers Ellen as being like a wet rag in her arms and feared that she might not survive the trip back to America. They learned that many orphanages are understaffed. To feed the babies, bottles are propped on towels so they can eat. The formula often runs into the babies’ ears, causing frequent ear infections. Thankfully, one of their traveling group of adoptive parents was an ENT specialist who helped them treat Ellen’s ear infection. Within twelve hours she was greatly improved.
Several days later, after four long flights, Ellen and her parents were finally home. That night, thirty of us gathered at Harrisburg Airport to welcome Ellen to our family.
Today, Ellen is confident that even before she was born, God had chosen Ruth and Bill as her parents. She feels that they have been the exact parents to give her the love and support she has needed. They helped her understand the concept of adoption, explaining that the woman who gave birth to Ellen was not able to take care of her. She knows that her life could have been very different. She might not have ever known the love of Jesus.
Bill and Ruth experienced the same feeling, that Ellen was chosen for them by God’s grace. In the process of writing in their adoption process their desires for a daughter, they mentioned how music was important to them. Ellen’s natural affinity for music showed up when she was very young, a powerful confirmation of God’s design for their becoming a family.
In Chinese, the concept of adoption is often expressed with characters that mean “chosen.” Ellen has those characters tattooed at the back of her neck, a symbol of her gratitude for God’s chosen path for her.
Ellen shared that Psalm 139 has special meaning for her.
You are the one who put me together inside my mother's body,
and I praise you because of the wonderful way you created me…
Nothing about me is hidden from you! I was secretly woven together out of human sight,
but with your own eyes you saw my body being formed.
Even before I was born, you had written in your book everything about me. (CEV)
These verses remind me how intimately God knows and cares about us. Jesus embodied this care for children. He always gathered them into His arms and blessed them. Even though Ellen was left on the steps of a police station, God was cradling her in His protective arms.
As a young woman, Ellen has become an empathetic person, who listens and wants to support others in whatever way she can. Artistically talented, Ellen desires to share her gifts with others.
Every adoption is an opportunity to redeem a circumstance where there was no hope and to rescue a child without a family. Few of us may be called to officially adopt a child, but we can all follow the biblical mandate to care for widows and orphans. We can embrace the widow, the single parent, those with special needs, families in crisis, those who don’t look like us, the marginalized and all God’s children.
Ellen’s story is a beautiful example of God’s love. “Long ago, even before he made the world, God chose us to be his very own through what Christ would do for us; he decided then to make us holy in his eyes, without a single fault—we who stand before him covered with his love. His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by sending Jesus Christ to die for us. And he did this because he wanted to!” (Ephesians 1:4-6 TLB)
I love to think that I, too, have been adopted, and by the most loving Father. I am blessed to be reminded of this by Ellen. Her life is a testament to the truth that God’s arms are always ready to welcome us into His family.
For further consideration:
At Willowdale, a pilot program for Wraparound support is being provided for families at the Kennett campus who currently have foster children in their care. Our wraparound teams consist of friends helping friends in our body with services like weekly meals, laundry support and relief care. Our goal is to relieve some of the daily tasks of life to help these families do the important work of caring for the children in their families. Contact Jessica Zubrod at jessicazubrod@mac.com if you want to get involved.
Willowdale’s Special Needs Ministry offers respite care, support groups and other resources for families.
November is National Adoption Month. Wait No More is a program that Focus on the Family offers to help individuals explore adoption and fostering children. Many others are available online.
Connect Care in PA and Door of Hope in DE offer pregnancy services to educate and empower individuals and their families to make life-affirming choices.
ABOUT THE BLOGGER:
Linnea Tideman has always enjoyed sharing stories. Her childhood in New Hampshire and her Swedish heritage have provided her with a wealth of experiences, but also the foundation of her faith. She enjoys creative projects, travel, books, sewing, gardening, but most of all hospitality, often hosting fancy teas and occasionally something grand like recreating dinner on the Titanic. She serves the UrbanPromise and Good Neighbors ministries. Linnea lives in Landenberg with her husband Dave. They have three grown daughters. She hopes that her writing reflects how God continues to reveal Himself to us as our shepherd and Savior.