What occasion or event comes to mind where everyone shares memories about someone: the good about a person, their legacy, what they mean to them?
What comes to my mind is a visitation and memorial service after someone has died. When my dad passed away the days were a blur, but I remember the kind things friends and family said about him, even more so if they took time to write down memories and how they appreciated him so I could go back later and reread them.
The third anniversary of his accident was a few weeks ago and I was reflecting on how much I wish I had one more chance to talk with him, to share all he meant to me, all he taught me and how much I loved him. I told him or wrote him cards from time to time but if I could do it all over again, I would have done it more. I thought I would have more time.
This made me think about how we often wait to share about someone’s kindness, joy, support, encouragement—their positive qualities and strengths until after they have died. Yes, this time of storytelling and remembering is part of grieving and is a comfort to loved ones. At the same time, it’s too late to tell that person those things.
Recognizing this has ignited in me a renewed passion to tell others how I see God using them, how I see them using their gifts, how much I love them and am proud of them. To do that now. Not to wait. To speak life and encouragement and truth—about what they mean to me, but also who they are in Christ.
There is a balance, of course. Our identity should be in who God says we are, not in compliments or approval from people. We don’t want to just boost egos and cause others to puff up with pride. But I think it’s safe to say that most of us could use more positive words in our lives and that many of us could be challenged to speak life-giving words to those around us more often.
Be genuine. Be intentional. This is not about fluff compliments or superficial generalities. But if God puts something or someone on your heart, obey. It might be awkward. It might be weird. Be awkward. Be weird. It’s worth a moment of being uncomfortable to not have any regrets if that person were to die the next day. Call, text, meet for coffee or even better, write it down and give it to them. I have this worn piece of paper from almost 20 years ago with notes of encouragement and appreciation that women I was in a discipleship group wrote about me. I can have a pretty negative, critical view of myself and while I am working on my positive self-talk and internalizing who God says I am, words of affirmation from others are important too.
(And just a note – If someone is complimenting or thanking you, be humble, but receive it graciously. Give glory back to God and thank them for taking the time to encourage you. That other person is offering you a gift and for you to downplay and deflect is to reject it.)
There are many Bible verses that speak to encouraging others, but I’ll close with this one:
Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
May our words be a healing balm to a hurting world.
ABOUT THE BLOGGER:
Danielle (Dani) Rupp grew up in a small town in Ohio and is a true Buckeye fan, though she tries not to be obnoxious about it. In 2011 she came to PA to earn her Master of Social Work degree and has since made Kennett Square her home. In her free time, Dani enjoys going on mission trips/traveling, reading, and connecting with loved ones—preferably over coffee and a sweet treat.