I thought to myself, “I need to take this relationship to the next level.” We had been spending time together for many years and I really liked, even loved him, but I wanted more. Something was missing. It had gotten a little stale, a little less exciting. I did not want to continue with a relationship that was satisfied with just checking a box of spending time together. How could I refresh and renew this relationship?
These were the thoughts that I was having about my relationship with God. This led me to make an appointment with a “Spiritual Director.” Now, don’t stop reading. The first time I heard that term I thought that it was some kind of “woo-woo” spiritual person who was probably not a Christian. I thought it seemed like a “new-agey” thing to do, but after talking to two Christian friends whom I deeply respected, I made the call. I soon learned how mistaken I was about spiritual direction. My spiritual director has helped me to move from just head knowledge about God into a more experiential relationship with Him. It feels as if He has become more present in my life, more tangible, more real. I have never enjoyed my time with Jesus more and have never experienced Him throughout my day in the same meaningful ways.
I want to share with you what I found to be for me, the “secret sauce” if you will. For this reason, I conducted an interview with Amy Knorr, my spiritual director, so I could share what I have learned.
Me: What is a spiritual director?
Amy: A spiritual director is a trained soul care companion who walks with another, holding space as he or she does the cultivating work of attending to their relationship with God, The term “direction” is not meant to imply authority or control. It is meant to convey guidance, companionship, and support as a person intentionally walks their own spiritual journey. The idea of midwifery is a good metaphor for spiritual direction -- a spiritual director does not do the work of birthing but intentionally and skillfully supports the one who is doing that work.
Me: Some people might hear the term “spiritual director” and think it sounds “new agey” or wonder if it’s “spiritual” not Christian. How would you respond to this?
Amy: I think the semantic of the vocation gets in the way a bit. We don’t have a good word for this vocation.
With “spiritual director” I think there are two things we push back on. We struggle with the idea of being directed, especially in our spiritual lives. The word “director” seems to suggest that there is someone who is a go-between, who has special knowledge of what will “work” for us in our spiritual lives and what we should do. That is a failing of the nomenclature and not the vocation. There is no special knowledge or special authority in a spiritual director.
Similarly, we have become shy of anything with the word “spiritual” in it. And yet, we are people made mind, body and soul/spirit. We are spiritual by nature. The vocation of spiritual direction is that of tending to, caring for and walking with people as they attend to their souls in the loving presence of God.
We have models of this work in Scripture. My favorite is the relationship of Eli and Samuel. Samuel is certain he has heard someone calling him, but it is not until he brings the experience to Eli that he recognizes the movement and call of God in his life. It is not that Eli had some special knowledge. He does not tell Samuel what God wants or speculate on the call of God in Samuel’s life. Eli simply notices a pattern, recognizes that pattern as the movement of God, encourages Samuel to listen and to respond to God, and stays nearby as Samuel does just that. Now, of course, if we read on, we see that God is speaking to Samuel about something that will be done to Eli. This does not change the fact that Eli acted as a companion to Samuel, tending to him as he listened to the loving and authoritative voice of God in his life.
Historically, spiritual direction has been in action since Moses guided the Israelites in the wilderness, shepherding them toward God’s presence. We see Paul writing letters of spiritual guidance in the New Testament. At the time, these were not recognized as Scripture but were received as wisdom and invitation to those trying to notice how God was moving in their newly converted lives. For century on century, those seeking rest, intentional care for their souls, and wisdom from God would go to the monastic communities seeking guidance from those who had set their lives apart to follow God. This practice can be seen in the traditions of Eastern Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Celtic, and Protestant Christians. In the 16th century, the Protestant outworking of spiritual direction became less prescriptive and more about companioning. In the 18th century, figures like John Wesley, Henri Nouwen, Thomas Merton continued the work of spiritual guidance/direction through their writing and in personal meetings.
I think the point here is that spiritual direction is not something that has evolved out of something “new agey.” It is a practice that has strong (and ancient) biblical and historical Christian roots, and it has grown and developed as a vocation and calling over time.
Me: How did you choose this line of work?
Amy: Oh, good question! Spiritual direction is the closest thing to a calling I have ever experienced. So maybe God called me into this work and I just chose to say yes. I think to answer this more fully, I have to share a little part of my testimony.
About fifteen years ago, I was working full time in a 60+ hour-a-week job I loved, serving as the director for women’s ministry in our church, and raising two children under three years old. I loved it all! And even so, I woke up one morning and I knew I was so burned out that I would die or run away. This sounds dramatic, but I felt the drama in my very core. I was stretched to the breaking point, and I just knew I needed to get away. My husband heard my heart and booked me into a little cottage on an island across the Sound (we lived in Seattle at the time) for 48 hours of…something. I didn’t know what, I just knew I needed to go. I got on a ferry, rode a taxi to the cottage, closed the door behind me and had a panic attack. It was so quiet, so still, and I didn’t have anything I had to do. I am a high capacity, intense, forward-moving type of person, and my inner self was on overdrive. I did not know how to slow. I left the cottage and walked down to the water. I walked up and down that rocky beach repeating “Be still. I want to be still. God, I want to be still and know you.” It took a full twenty minutes before I was able to look up and actually see the water and the trees, look down and really see the rocks at my feet. It took another ten before I was able to sit still on a boulder and just rest. I remember noticing the joy of the Lord in and around me as I sat quietly with God. The rest of those 48 hours, I slept, ate, read, journaled, talked with God, listened to God, just sat and looked out the window enjoying what God has made. By the end, I knew that this was not something I could leave in the cottage on the island. I needed to figure out how to live like this in my real life. Thus began a ten-year journey studying contemplative practices and seeking to slow my inner self so that I could see more clearly the movement of God in my life and listen to God’s invitations to join in the work God was doing in my sphere. Spiritual direction was and is a practice that has helped me do this, and about seven years ago as I embarked on another silent retreat and sought discernment for my next steps, I sensed the invitation to seminary and spiritual direction training.
Me: Can you share about your training and formation as a spiritual director?
Amy: Absolutely! So I earned my MA in Christian Spiritual Formation from North Park Theological Seminary in Chicago. Concurrently, I earned a certificate in Spiritual Direction from the C. John Weborg Center for Spiritual Direction through a three-year training program.
Training is something I felt strongly about. I wanted to know the history, the different methodologies, the theological foundations of spiritual direction. It seemed to me that spiritual direction was a vocation that required people’s vulnerability and trust, and I wanted to make sure that I was rooted in training that would help me carefully serve those I would listen with in spiritual direction. What I didn’t know is that the training would be much less about teaching me what to offer and much more about showing me ways I needed to be formed or transformed, reminding me of my call to lean back in Christ and be empowered by the Holy Spirit. I think that is probably always the way of important things in our lives, isn’t it? They are always less about what we think they will be about and more about our own personal formation.
In his 1536 work, Institutes of the Christian Religion, Calvin wrote that “There is no deep knowing of God without a deep knowing of self, and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing of God.” I wanted to know God more and be a part of companioning people as they, too, sought the heart of God. To do so, I actually needed to know myself a bit better along the way. I came to know myself better through relearning how to listen – to myself, to others, and to God – through listening groups, practice sessions, and a final one-year practicum. And in the process, I found I had learned to listen to others as well. I had learned how to stay with them, attentive to the Holy Spirit on their behalf, trusting that they would become more and more aware of what God is doing in their lives.
At the end of my time in seminary and in my spiritual direction program, I knew more deeply that God is bigger than I could imagine and has offered us good fences to help us explore and really begin to know that bigness.
Me: How would you describe your approach to spiritual direction?
Amy: I believe that my work as a spiritual director is rooted in holding space for a person to slow and notice. I often open by lighting a candle to remind us of God’s presence with us. Sometimes, we might begin with silence or a meditation or contemplative practice. Sometimes, we launch right into whatever it is a person wants to bring to our time. Sometimes, we wander in conversation until God’s invitation to hear becomes clear. I aim to truly see and really hear. I hope to create space for people to authentically express thoughts, feelings, stories of the mundane or the contextually spiritual. I believe in white space in conversation, not rushing but offering some silence (as much as you want or need). I might reflect back, reframe or offer some gentle noticings if appropriate. I do not believe in offering lots of advice (or really any), and “should” is not in my professional (or personal) vocabulary. I do not aim to fix things but to facilitate space for respite, moments of clarity, hope. When a person leaves, it is my deep hope and prayer that they leave oriented toward a more restful way of living in the world and a richer way of being with God. I believe the choice to engage in a spiritual direction relationship is one that leads to a deeper relationship with God. I believe it guides us in how to notice God’s presence with us in everyday ordinary life and how to recognize God’s voice amidst the inevitable noise and chaos of daily living.
Me: Are there topics or issues that are outside your scope as a spiritual director?
Amy: There are no topics that cannot or should not be brought into spiritual direction. We are spiritual beings and God moves in all the areas of our lives. Paul says it like this in Acts 17: “In God we live and move and have our being.” We can and should bring our whole lives before God, noticing how God is moving and forming us. Spiritual direction is an intentional place to do just that. It is a ministry of listening and noticing on the path toward transformation. Now, that said, spiritual direction is not therapy. It is not intended to fix or to repair something that is deeply wounded or broken, something that needs therapeutic input. In listening with a person, I am mindful to notice those places and inquire if a person has a current relationship with a therapist. Spiritual direction and therapy coexist beautifully together, but there are some places where therapy must take precedence as a person works toward health.
Me: What do you hope your directees gain from their time with you?
Amy: I actually really hope they come away less aware that they have spent time with me and more aware of an offering of God’s encouragement, wisdom, challenge, delight, presence: God’s work in their lives. It is their faith journey. I just get to drop in and walk with them for a brief moment. God is in all the moments leading up to, in and after our time together, and God is the one doing the work in their lives.
Me: So, obviously we don’t have to have a spiritual director to grow close to God. James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” If you seek Him you will find Him. But if you would like a companion to help you along the way, to expand your mind and help you to see God a bit differently, you may wish to look into having a spiritual director. For me, it has made a beautiful and meaningful difference in my walk with Jesus.
For more from my interview with Amy or if you have questions about spiritual directors, you can reach her at amycknorr@gmail.com.
ABOUT THE BLOGGER:
Bonnie Kotler and her husband Mitch have two daughters, three sons, eleven grandchildren and three grand-puppies. She was a stay-at-home mom for many years before re-entering the workforce after receiving her M.S. in Counseling and Human Relations from Villanova University. She is a licensed professional counselor at her own private practice, True North Counseling. Bonnie has been on the Willowdale women’s ministry teaching team since 2012. Bible studies have played a key role in her walk as a believer, and in turn, she loves to help other women find their peace with God and grow in their faith. She enjoys writing Bible study materials, reading fiction, spending time with family and doing anything in the sunshine. Bonnie loves to laugh and considers laughter as the best medicine. Psalm 126:2